Fringeville #110, August 19 2014

I'm a little hard to live with these days...

I said I'd be back soon. Soon is in the eye of the beholder, and this for me is soon.

It's been hectic since the last post on July 20.

My church had their annual Festival. It's a big commitment on my part. I practically live up there from Thursday night through Monday morning. When I had surgery in May, I was concerned whether I would be up to the demands. I have to say that I was probably in better physical shape this year than any of the last several, despite being just two months out from surgery. For one thing, my weight is down, so tackling the hill to the rectory from the grounds several times a night wasn't as big a problem. It's amazing what being a tad lighter does for your knees.

Anyway, I not only got through the Festival without issues but it was one of several things which lifted some of the darkness evident in my last post. Being involved in stuff does that for me. It keeps things in perspective.

I also had a chance to speak at a local Rotary about my cochlear implant experiences. That was uplifting as well, because there is always someone in the room that can either benefit directly from a cochlear implant or has a friend or relative who might.

I also had a chance to connect with a number of friends who are facing challenges. When you get cancer, you tend to turn too many thoughts inward. But I know people whose lives have been turned upside-down. I don't know how they cope with it.

Yet sometimes, turning thoughts inward seems unavoidable. I'm getting my first blood work done in preparation for my follow-up visit to Philly next week.  I am hopefully going to have an undetectable PSA. And hopefully that will be the case from now on.

But cancer is never about certainties. There is a good chance that somewhere in the next decade, my PSA will start to rise. If it does, depending on how soon and and how quickly there will be decisions to make. Decisions which I don't want to have to make. And that is why every PSA test is a source of anxiety, especially in the early going after surgery.

One of the downsides to all the research I did is that I will see that test before the visit. I know what to look for. If I like what I see, it should be a nice day in Philly and maybe a cheese steak downtown. If I don't like what I see, that trip will be one I dread.

But I am here. I am still kicking and kicking hard. I am somewhat impossible to live with right now (just ask my family) but over time I hope to become more my old self.

In the meantime, there's stuff to do. Lots of it.

But ..ahem ...I'll be back soon. Promise.

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