Total Pageviews

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Fringeville #145 - Fat Tuesday Horror

Scranton, PA

A local government office was briefly locked down Tuesday morning when workers called 911 to report possible shots fired.

"Several loud pops were heard, and what appeared to be bullet holes were seen on the walls," said a supervisor.

After a thorough investigation, gunshots were ruled out.

"It was Fat Tuesday," said a spokesman for Sheriff's office. "There was a huge spread of food in a conference room and apparently one idiot employee overindulged. Massively. He suffered button failure after eating a 16th slice of chicken wing pizza."

"His trouser button went first," said an injured employee. "It hit me in the forehead, then ricocheted and took out the coffee machine. Hey, I could have lost an eye."

Six shirt buttons broke loose next, sending staff scattering for cover.

The employee who experienced the wardrobe malfunction was immediately put on a diet. His name was withheld, but our photographer took a picture of the near-catatonic, calorie-gorged staffer shortly before he was whisked away to a rehab center.

Chicken Wing Pizza Overdose Victim Idiot

* * *

Fringeville #143 - Missing Blog Post

Governor Wolf's office informed me that I had a missing blog post. Post #143 failed to post sometime last month. The governor wants it on the blog immediately so when he figures out how to tax blogs, all my posts will be in one handy place for the taxman.

Here, without further delay, is Fringeville #143

Meanwhile, during this time of deep personal introspection, some Jackson Browne.

* * *