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| Guardian of the Bologna |
Americans are, on whole, a law-abiding people. We are also capable of remarkable patience. Right now, millions of us have been laid off or have had our incomes hit hard by the COVID-19 crisis. We are facing shortages and restrictions on food, paper and cleaning products. We are being restricted to our homes. Our country is largely shut down. And we’re being pretty damned calm about it. We understand (or at least most of us do) how important it is to break the grip this virus has on our nation.
That all
being said, Americans do not have limitless patience. I think we've got about
6-8 more weeks until we start to exhibit some civil disobedience. Where will it
start? How will the rebellion begin?
One way
to assure mass civil disobedience is to tell folks they can't take a drive.
Just a drive. Alone or with their fellow family confinees. An hour or so out of
the damned house for something other than being herded in small groups into a supermarket,
pharmacy, doctor’s office or Wallyworld.
Here in
Pennsylvania, the state police have made it clear that you won’t be pulled over
simply for being out on the road. Instead, you’ll be pulled over for some type
of moving violation. In the course of interrogation over that bad taillight, you
will be asked why you are out and about. If you tell them you’re taking a nice little
drive, you’ll get warned or fined as a secondary offense. It’s already
happened, and it sounds like the state police might be ramping that up.
This is going
to result in deliberate civil disobedience.
When people
are pulled over while out on a Sunday drive, they will lie to the police, and
they will do so deliberately.
“License
and registration, ma’am.”
“Here
you go, officer!”
“You’ve
got a busted taillight, ma’am.”
“Oh!
Thank you, I didn’t know.”
“Are you
aware of the Governor’s stay-at-home order, ma’am?”
“Oh yes,
of course!”
“Why are
you out today?”
“I’m going
shopping.”
“You
live in Plains. You’re in White Haven.”
“Yes,
officer. My friend told me on Facebook that they have toilet paper in a store
up here.”
“What store?”
“She
didn’t know. She said White Haven. Or Blakeslee. Possibly Mount Pocono.”
“Are you
sure you’re not just out for a drive?”
“Heavens,
officer! That would be illegal. I’m just tired of using newspaper and leaves to
wipe my backside.”
The
rebellion will begin slowly at first, but gradually people will just begin to
ignore restrictions on their mobility. They will continue to practice social
distancing even as they fruitlessly look for hand sanitizer, paper products or
face masks (because there are none to be found).
But they
will, by increasing numbers, leave their homes to take a drive.
Why?
Because
for Americans, our vehicles are an extension of ourselves. They are a sign of
our freedom and of belonging to a free society. People who wouldn't think of
violating social distancing guidelines will see a massive disconnect between policing
that and policing the privacy and freedom offered by our vehicles.
They
will realize that there is a small but tangible risk of getting exposure to a
virus at a drive-thru fast food window (allowed) and no risk at all to driving
a country road to enjoy nature's splendor (verboten).
And so
they will rebel.
Quietly. Politely. And in increasing numbers the longer they are
confined. It's human nature. It is especially the nature of Americans, who have
a wee bit of history chafing against infringements (real or perceived) on their
personal liberty.
Am I
advocating lawbreaking?
Absolutely
not. Lawbreaking would be ...umm ...illegal.
But you
just might see me heading to a grocery store, officer, on other side of the valley.
Or over that mountain. Or just past that lake up near Thornhurst, the one with
the ducks swimming lazily over the reflection of the budding trees. I’m just
out looking for bologna, toilet paper and antacid. I’ll just die without them. My
dog, officer?
He’s just here to guard the bologna.
* * *
Be good
to each other…
* * *
