UPI-oh-ki-yay
A potentially catastrophic terrorist airport attack was thwarted yesterday in Avoca, Pennsylvania, when a series of mind-numbing traffic circles exasperated the ISIS terrorists.
The terrorists were taken into custody by local police when their black Ford Econoline van ran out of gas after 16 hours of running the traffic circle gauntlet in vain.
"It was very bad," mumbled an exhausted, handcuffed terrorist to this reporter. "We wanted to attack the airport. Achmed, he came off 81, and we hit first circle. We go around and around. Then there was another. And another. Somehow we are back on 81 and Achmed had to turn around. We come off the ramp, and the infidel circles were waiting for us. Around. Around. Around. All day. Around. Around. Around. We get so dizzy. Then, no gas. Allah be praised, we are safely in custody and away from the three circles of hell."
Area residents were outraged.
"Those terrorist bastards," said Main Street, Avoca resident Amos Behaven. "All those friggin' explosives, and the circles are still standing. Dumbasses."
Attempts to reach the FBI agent assigned to the case failed, as he was still navigating the traffic circles in an apparently vain attempt to reach the crime scene.
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| Anti-terrorist traffic circles. Photo via WNEP. |
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