Plains,
Pennsylvania UPI-Oh-Ki-Yay
“It is
with profound sadness that I announce today that I am suspending my Presidential
campaign. Despite the efforts of my dedicated campaign staff …and, hey, thanks
to both of you …we just couldn’t get traction.
“I tried
to show America that a moderate candidate can win again. I am neither a left nor
right wingnut. I eat'em all. And I tell the truth: wing bites are glorified
chicken nuggets.
“Our campaign
events have been sparsely attended. Counting the wait staff at the Chicken
Coop, our last campaign event attendance was three, barely half of Joe Biden’s
recent event at a day spa in New Hampshire where his leg hairs were being colored and
curled.
“This
may be the end of the campaign, it’s too soon to be sure. But for now it is
suspended until further notice.
"Are there any questions? Yes, you in the back
of the line, you have a question?”
“Yeah, are you gonna shut the #@$^ up and order your takeout wings. You’re holding up the #!$%^ line!!”
“Yeah, are you gonna shut the #@$^ up and order your takeout wings. You’re holding up the #!$%^ line!!”
* * *
Be good
to each other. ...and pass the Cajun Bleu sauce…
* * *
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My motto is be good to each other. In that spirit, keep it clean on the comments. Personal attacks, nasty language, and any disdain of chicken wings will not be tolerated.