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Saturday, December 24, 2011

Fringeville Edition #52, December 24 2011


Dear FACEBOOK:



Today I went to my Facebook profile and tried to do a status update. It acted like it was posting, then it hung.

I waited a few minutes and tried again, several times.

No Go.

I waited an hour, rebooted (god knows why, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt).

I tried again. Nope. Another status-post failure. So I clicked the “Post” button. Again. And Again. A bunch of times.

Facebook suddenly logged me off and informed me I was "possibly infected with Malware" (which is actually not a possibility). I was warned not to post updates for 24 hours. I was told I had “limited access” but there were no details regarding exactly what I could or couldn’t do.

When I logged back in, I had to swear my PC was clean before Facebook let me proceed to my account.

Hoping I was just dealing with heavy server traffic because of the holidays, I tried one last time to post something.

Stupid, stupid!

I really ticked off Facebook at that point. I was informed I couldn’t post for “a couple of days.” Honest to gosh, that's the phrase. "A couple of days." Could be two. Could be more. You have to be keen to guess as to when you get full functionality back.

Facebook never said I couldn’t message folks, however, so I tried to message a friend to let her know I wouldn't be posting for "a couple of days."

Stupid! Stupid! Double-damned STUPID!

Facebook got really pissed at that point. I think they added “a couple of days” to my original “couple of days.”

There is no apparent right or method of appeal. You can’t write Facebook. You can’t easily get to a real live human being. I've been renditioned to Facebook's digital Guantanamo.

Facebook is a social network where the so-called "support" is totally bereft of any living, breathing human infestation.

When I think of Facebook now, I am reminded of the ants in one of those plastic ant colonies we give kids. You remember those: it teaches our young how to behave when they join corporate America. Pick up that crumb. Walk it over there. Drop that crumb. Do it again and again and again and again ...then die.

Suffice it to say, for Christmas Facebook can sink their teeth into my posterior.

A wise woman wrote me a while back that she won’t use social media because she doesn’t trust it. She relies on e-mail and face-to-face. She’s making a lot of sense to me today.

Merry Christmas, Facebook. Bah. Humbug. Bite Me. And keep biting me ...for "a couple of days."

* * *

JimboBillyBob