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Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Fringeville #92, July 3 2013

Chicken Wing Sex
Geneva, Switzerland (UPI-Oh-Kiyay)

After hours of crunching web traffic data, Swiss researchers have announced the results of the genuine imitation scientific research compiled at Fringeville on sex and chicken wings.

Dr. Amos Behavin, lead analyst of the crack team of scientists who analyzed the website traffic, announced the stunning conclusions to his study.

"There were three web posts," the researcher explained. "The first was an image about sex. This was our baseline image. The second image was all about wings. The third image was a carefully crafted visual message combining the first two elements. The results were completely unexpected. The first post confirmed that people like sex. This was no surprise. But the second post showed that chicken wings were 33% more popular than sex. We were mildly surprised. But what we truly did not expect was that a combination of sex and chicken wings would be twice as popular as sex alone."

These were the images used in the Swiss research:
Image #1 - Baseline
Image #2 - 33% increase over baseline
Image #3 - 100% increase over baseline
The source of funding for the study is a closely guarded secret, but Hooters, KFC and Dan's Keystone Grille in Plains all deny any involvement in the controversial study.

A spokesman for Dan's said it's possible a nearby resident has "way too much friggin' time on his hands."

In support of that claim, WikiLeaks asserts most of the nearly three dozen website hits used in the study came from an IP address on Ridgewood Road in Plains Township. A local chicken wing fanatic on Ridgewood Road refused to answer the door for reporters, but several incredibly loud belches were heard inside the residence. Plains police promised to investigate the disturbance after lunch.

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